Christmas cheer

So you might know that I had to work 12 hours on Christmas this year. I was bummed but it still remained to be a great holiday despite my preconceptions. So I also worked Christmas Eve, and I took care of this man who was found down at home, young guy like in his 50's. He had a stroke in the past and he was found down at home this time for another stroke and the combination of the two strokes at this point has left him with being wide awake, seems very with it, emotional expressions and everything, but he cannot move. He can barely squeeze his right hand and well that, at this point is about it. And to make it worse the strokes seemed to have left him very aphasic. (where he can't seem to express words) He also has a tracheostomy so if he could take he can't actually verbalize and you would have to read his lips to communicate, which would be easy for me because of working 5 years with people in a similar situation. so Christmas eve all day he just looked worried or anxious, scared even. I talk to him and tell him where he is and what day it is to try to orient him. I would be scared out of my mind. So on Christmas things seemed the same. He is a hefty guy not easy to turn when he is flaccid. so My friend Kim, she is a great nurse if you know her, I have always admired her for having a connection with patients, she can seem to always make them laugh. Laughter is great medicine. So earlier that day there were some family members for another patient that were extremely rude to me, for no reason at all. And Kim had been in there with me the whole time wide eyed and jaw gaping open (when the curtain was closed) That is a whole other blog post but needles to say we were baffled by it. So right at 6:45pm she helped me reposition this same gentlemen I discussed earlier. So we were in the room and we told him what we were going to do then we started talking about how that disrespectful that family was to me and what we really should have said to them. haha. somehow we said "well... IN YOUR FACE" my heart burst apart because this man was clearly laughing. not just a smile but a silent hearty laugh. This made my Christmas. My heart had been hurting for him and what he must be going through, and then I saw a sign of hope. Laughter is truly good medicine. Thanks to Kim, and to Lynda who were in there helping me.

Hope you like this story cause I sure do.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

ick to the sick

I am feeling so sick so "ick"
I might just pick to flick
my brain
the strain the pain
in my stomach its "ick"
so sick
a dog goes "arf"
and I go barf......

haha I crack myself up. that's my pathetic try at a rhyme haha oh well. It made me feel better for a few seconds. I sure hope I wake up feeling better then I do right now.

It puts it into perspective on a very small scale as to some of the symptoms my patients at work might feel. it is pretty darn awful!  OK good night

picturesss

 Oh Christmas treee oh Christmas treee How lovely are your branches!!!

 there is a hering in this photo

 love the color contrast

yet again

Christmas and Why I love it

So when I write in my blog, I try to reflect on things. I would like to think about why I love Christmas so much.

There is just so much about it that is so beautiful and special. Lights, trees, decorations, mistletoe, snow.... Christmas movies. I just love how it feels to just be happy or joyous because it is Christmas. I know I could feel that way all year round, but I don't always. Family and friends coming together, awesome food. Just the fact that this one time of year people sing songs of a savior being born, and don't even realize the power in the lyrics. (and by that I mean they don't always know Jesus or the reason for the season) I hope that Christmas "spirit" can stay all year through!

There are certain songs I particularly love.
The ALABAMA Christmas album; I love this CD because my mom would always play it while we were decorating the Christmas tree. We always waited to put up an decorate our tree until Christmas eve! It was always so special!! and so Magical!!

With my dance class we would learn Christmas songs to dance to and a lot of times we would go and dance in Nursing homes in New Jersey for the holidays (I took dance lessons in New Jersey) We did some awesome dances.
I have to work Christmas this year, but it won't make me a Scrooge!

feel free to tell me why you love Christmas, or even if you don't you can tell me.

Day 3

Today is day 3 of 4 days off.... IT has been splendid. I keep feeling like it should be Sunday and it was Friday! now of course it is Saturday and I still have a day off... YES! Today We are gonna get a Christmas tree! I am pretty excited. I need to clean my house though, that is what I am going to do when I am finished with my coffee so that I can enjoy decorating my tree tonight.

I found cute boots guys! (they were not my ideal boot choice but I love them all the same!) It was a reward to self for passing my test! IT really feels good to not study and enjoy life! I loved learning everything though, no regrets!

I am sitting near my wood stove and it is wonderful. Paul is watching the MAN UTD vs. BLACKB'N. I am playing on the indoor soccer team this year! pretty excited! (I am out of shape, yikes)

Today is a wonderful day to get a tree, crisp, clear, chilly!!

Peace to you.

tired

I am so tired.
taking my test soon! prayers appreciated!

yep

on the slippery slope

So taking care of people is what I love to do, and when I take care of them it is to get them better even if it is only one day better then the rest. So there is this gentle man who is older I would say about 80's Kind man, so easy going, I took care of him over the weekend (Halloween weekend) and well he made himself a trip to the ICU due to respiratory compromise. (He went to the ICU sometime during the week) His wife is sooo sweet, and his family in general so kind. I went in today to say hello before I left, because I heard they made him a DNR#3 which is where they only provide comfort measures and give morphine and such. well he was a different man asleep probably to never wake up. I more likely said good bye then hello to him and his family. His breaths were shallow, like a wave coming to shore then quickly back out to sea. Pretty soon there will be no more waves. I gave his wife and daughter a hug told them to take care of themselves....
Dear Jesus,
Please be with this family, be there comfort, help them to see your kindness in the midst of tragedy. Bethe amazing, loving God you are, be that to them.
amen.

not only was my day ridiculously insane but I ended it saying goodbye.

Seeing his wife with teary eyes almost made me start crying. My heart aches for them.

Peace to you

Hope

There is just something about feeling hopeful. There is joy, peace, love. I am hoping to pass my PCCN exam soon. I am just Hopeful. I hope for so much and don't always realize that I do. (Hope that is.)
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is states "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." skip to vs 13 "And now these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." That is pure hope. I hope that I love like this. Maybe one of these days I will write a song about this verse. Not that I have written many songs. Writing a song has been one thing I have always wanted to do, and have practiced, but I have never been told how to. I think I must have like 10 floating around, pretty much just a hearts cry to how I feel and how I feel towards Jesus and how he amazingly loves me. maybe I will look for one and write it down.

I am thankful for this daylight that has been saved today. I have studied for a couple hours now, and maybe will do a little more then relax.

Peace to you.

change

So it has been a little while since I have blogged.
I just made some cheesecake.YUM. I work this weekend, I am kinda sad cause I love dressing up! and maybe I still will. The youth group might have a little party I can crash. who knows. Today was such a brilliant day! The colors of the leaves have been most spectacular. I need to take some good fall pics before the leaves all fall off.

So work has been pretty crazy lately. We are having some management changes, and by some I mean probably all... (thats about 4 people) I have appreciated our current manager, she has really "loved" us, she really has tried to bring some good changes, there are things I don't like about her but I won't post them here. I really hope this change is good for her, she needs a place where all she needs to do is encourage and be kind, she is very good at that. I want some serious change, and I know it is gonna happen but I ope it is GOOD change. I seriously can't take much more of this chaos called work lately. I know I am not meant to be on 3D forever but I didn't think I would feel like leaving so soon! I love my coworkers SO much. And i really enjoy the patient population and how intense and critical they can be, I don't like how many of them I have to take care of not mention being "split" or not having any techs. I know I keep talking about work, but something has seriously to change. It is like another family of mine. I have been trying to pray for the future of our floor. There are some new nurses on our floor and THEY ARE GREAT! They must have been hand selected cause they fir right in! Love it! They have a lot to learn, but that always comes with time.

Well I should go soon, I am gonna go have dinner with a friend who moved away and is back to visit!

And I have looked for boots again, still no such luck. there is a pair out there for me!

Peace to you.

Stresssss

Work has been so busy the past 2 days, almost rediculous. That is probably why I have a cold going on. it is brewing. not quite as warm and delicious as coffee, and no I do not want cream and sugar with it. ugh.

I do not like stress.

I am watching Dancing with the Stars, it makes me want to dance. yep.

Booot hunt part 2

So I went to Burlington Coat Factory to search for cute boots....Whoa that place is crazy, so chaotic. I found a pair I thought was super cute but I could not find the sizes.... I searched and searched, boxes.... I thought it was pretty funny how messy they were, I started talking to this girl she was really nice she said even the people that work there have no clue where to look! so funny! Needles to say I did not yet find my boots.... oh well.

It is Friday night and I am at home. I am making pizza, trying a new way. Whole wheat flour, lets hope it is good cause I am making 2 of them haha.

My mom is up to visit from Virginia. She has lost so much weight I had to take a double look at her when she came in my house.

I bought 2 new hats! I am wearing one now.

I made my mom buy a hat too, it is pretty cute.

I am really hoping this Pizza turns out well!! (not sure why I  capitolized it haha)

I am listening to The Decemberists. good stuff. yep.

Hummmmus

Such a delicious thing gives such a vicious odor to your breath. Oh well. I love garlic. I try to use it with most meals that I make. YUM. as a matter a fact I am making brown rice with garlic in it. There is Club Club going on. Good times, Good people. It is amazingly chilly outside! and my wood stove is brilliantly warm. (FYI Club Club is essentially a book club haha)

So I worked a double last night, it was hard to stay awake, and it was some different responsibilities. It was a pretty busy assignment that was in! Thankfully it was busy, if not I would have fallen asleep. I give props to those nurses out there who work when no one else wants to. I sure don't want to work then.

I have two very funny cats. Ronnie (Rinaldo) he is a fatty, and a whiner. Henry (with the french pronunciation) is devious, sneaky, and likes my plants too much. They are seriously our "kids" haha. I know that sounds really cheesy but we love them.

Well my rice is done and I shouldn't be too antisocial so I am gonna hang out with them just for a few cause it is chilly on our back porch. Yep.

Back into the swing of things

I wish I was referring to a real swing and I could swing things in it. but really I am starting to study again. I had a great habit and was studying a lot! I took a week off after I didn't pass my PCCN then today was the day to start back up again. It is hard! Partially because the stuff I started with I feel I know pretty well (but it makes up about 38%) so I still am gonna study it. I wanted to clean my kitchen instead of study, that is pretty bad! haha, I prob studied for an hour then Paul came home for lunch and that is when I called it quits. I do work today 3 to 11:30. 

Today is a beautiful day! chilly but wonderful. I attacked my side yard on Monday, it resembled a jungle in the amazon... (I wish haha) no the grass was about to my hips and pretty thick. Paul mows the lawn over there but this was in the garden area, so I pulled out all the grass and pulled up about 3 or 4 weeds that were like 6 ft tall! haha so I planted bulbs, a butterfly bush, some seedum, and mulched about 65%of the area, it looks so much better. I need to plant the rest of the bulbs this week. 

I am thankful for where I am in life, for all I have. For my amazing friends, for my family, for good health. For my amazing husband, who is truly my best friend. For who God is in me, even though I am a slacker. For a house, yard, beautiful weather. I have so much when some people have nothing. I hope that I never hesitate to help someone out, even if it is inconvenient. I love music. 

Work has been interesting lately. I feel good about my job, and the job I do. There are so many frustrating things that truly bother me. so many inconsistancies, whether it be false promises, or things that are unrealistic. I do my best with what is given to me, or even when so much is lacking, like staff, or materials, or even resources. I do really love the majority of people I work with and that is what makes where I work a better place. I can laugh when I should be crying from stress, and I feel that I have help, and encouragement, and just some really fantastic nurses!!! I hope our efforts are seen, because we truly work so very hard. 

Well I have dragged on and avoided studying for another half hour, now to shower and get ready for work. sure hope it is a good night to be working......

rearranged

So on Saturday when I cleaned up a bit, I also rearranged my furniture, I love it.
I often move things about, maybe so I don't forget that they are there, not sure. I loved my new plant rack as well as all my citrus trees I brought inside.

I was doing an experiment, the one where you cut off the top of a pineapple and stick it in water and it will grow roots. I tried it once before and it failed, but this time not so much!! I have rooted it and planted it in soil and hopefully I can keep it alive long enough to grow a pineapple next year!! That would be brilliant!!

It gets pretty darn chilly in my house, I love my wood stove though! and hot beverages to warm my insides up!

So not much is new. Had a great day today, well work was fine and then met Laura and Crystal at Old Navy and went shopping, as well as Joanne's and DSW. Then we ate at Red Robin, so de-lish! So I am on the hunt for some cute boots, I saw several I really liked but didn't want to spend 100 bucks.... I am excited, never had cute boots.... and I also went to Tuesday group which was pretty good! I have a lot of great friends.

ok the end for now.

Slim Apple Picking

Went apple picking today with my friends; Kim and Rachel, which was a lot of fun! Not a lot of apples to choose from! but it was really fun. there is just something about a chill in the air. Apple picking is just awesome, I love taking friends! I am actually missing Keisha pretty bad, cause I love taking her apple picking. ( I love taking her anywhere!)

It is funny how a 3 day weekend can feel not long enough, then other times feel so rested and refreshed.

I am really enjoying this chilly weather!!!! I started a fire in my wood stove today then took a nap by it.
love it.

I was outside on Saturday doing some stuff, like helping Paul clean out our chimney, and adding some soil to some of my potted plants to bring inside for the winter and I got like 8 bug bites in various parts of my extremities... so itchy! I really wasn't out there long for the amount that I received.

The plants I added soil to were citrus trees I am trying to grow, I am so excited at the thought of just one of them doing well! ( I have 6 of them!!) some lemon, lime, and a type of orange. I have to bring them inside because it gets way to cold here for them to live through the year. just a fact that is cool, most citrus trees are self pollinating so you do not have to have 2 different varieties.

I had a great weekend, sad for it to end, but there are some very ill patients that need my to work and need me to enjoy work. Which I do.

Failing is passing the test

Ok So I took my PCCN exam today, I was very nervous, and I felt mostly prepared. I drove up to pike creek shopping center and took my exam in the H & R Block office. I have been studying for this exam for months! (really months!) I came in sat down did the 125 questions just hoping to get that 70%.... I think because I have consumed the last couple months with studying I just expected to pass because I really put the effort in. And I know that if I did not pass that I could take it again and that would be that. And I know that I am smart.

But when I looked at my paper and saw, "We regret to..." OH man the tears welled up. I almost got it! so close. And there are other people I know that are so smart and really just fantastic nurses that have not passed, it just was such a shock to fail. So I titled my post as "Failing is passing the test" because it is easy to pass! (well sort of) but to fail and not give up is SO HARD! I love learning and I really have learned a lot of new things by studying. But I wanted the credentials! (for my hard work) but maybe there are other important scenarios for me to learn to truly excel as a nurse, and maybe it will come down to saving just one more life. And this I am ok with. As hard as it is to fail, it is harder to keep your head up and move forward!! Thanks to many of my friends and my amazing husband, I am encouraged and strengthened, OH I must not forget, and is even more important to me is the fact that God takes care of me no matter what, he is so good. I have always said to myself I want to learn to be content in any circumstance, and with each circumstance I realize the thing that I am content with is the fact that Jesus is there and is amazing, and that is really what matters, because in him I am ok.

On the bright side I am gonna take a break from studying, and just relax and enjoy this beautiful time of year. So yes this is a touchy subject for me, and I am sensitive to it but it will work out in the end.

Fall into Autumn

Things that I love about this season.

• wearing long sleeves and jeans and feeling just right.
• apple picking
• leaves changing colors
• getting an extra hour of sleep
• crunchy brown leaves under your feet.
• making soups from scratch
• bonfires
• warm beverages on a chilly day (not all beverages haha)

What are some things you love about fall?

I want

There a only a few million things I want. That is considered a few right?
I want to pass this test I am studying for called the PCCN, (progressive critical care nurse) I really WANT to pass. I just hope that I can.

I want to play guitar, the urge is getting greater and greater to learn. I saved up my money one year and bought myself a guitar, from BJ's wholesale club! haha it was $99.00 and I still have my faithful friend. My classical Yamaha. Now i just need the discipline to learn and play it, and practice it.

I want to "love you from the inside out" and for justice and praise to become my embrace.

I want to be a great nurse as well as coworker. I don't want to eventually become lazy, or half-hearted.
I really don't want to talk about other people, and I don't want to feel ok if I do.

well I am going to go attempt to get better at the guitar.

I want peace for you.

embrace

"In my heart and my soul
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord, let justice and praise
become my embrace
to love you from the inside out"

This is a pretty good song, but today in church the part that says
"Let justice and praise become my embrace" really stood out to me.
I said inwardly, "God I want this, to live like this, to be defined as this"
But what does it really mean. If I want it so bad what does it mean and how do you get there?
To me at this point it means to love God and love others, in that there is praise, and in that there is justice. Justice for others, justice for me. Just curious I looked up the definition for justice here it is:

"Your Dictionary provides the definition of justice as the quality of being righteous or fair. Many philosophers, theologians and others define justice as the proper ordering of people and things. Behind the concept of justice lies the notion of balance--that people get what is right, fair and appropriate. Justice also includes the notion of upholding the law, as in the work of police, judges and the court."

It sounds so simple, maybe because it is? Why do we complicate things that are simple?
I think once this is grasped it can be something that changes you, "from the inside out"


"In my heart and my soul
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord, let justice and praise
become my embrace
to love you from the inside out"

any thoughts are welcome.

 Peace to you

looking forward

What are somethings you look forward to?
I love getting mail!
coffee in the morning.
this fall weather that is creeping up.
seeing friends.

What is something unique that you like that others may not notice?
I love how creamer in coffee, esp iced coffee looks before you stir it, it is gorgeous!

The weather today seems spectacular. I am going to have to figure out something to do in it.

Apple picking has started I cannot wait to go!!

Today's blog has been a Hodge-podge of thoughts, waiting to hear how my dads doctor's appointment went yesterday! glad to be off work the next couple of days! now I should study for my PCCN.

taking care

We (us nurses) always ask family members, "Are you eating?" "are you taking care of yourself?" "you know you can't take care of others if you can't take care of yourself"
Am I taking care?

Of what? others, yes. myself, I think so.
As a nurse there are many challenges, being the "middle man" between family and doctors, neither ones seem very happy to deal with the other. 

I got some news today that my dad is not doing so hot, which is not the picturing he has been painting me. He has lost about 30lbs in about 4 or 5 months. He has crohns disease or ulcerative collitis, which is an inflammation of your large intestine, which prevents water absorption, cause lots of diarrhea, he goes to the bathroom about 16 to 20 times a day (that is were the weight loss comes from) this is an autoimmune disease so there is not a cure, there are several things you can do but not much has worked for him. I knew he was doing better but he says he is all right.

So I got a call from my stepmother Lynn and she basically said he looks horrible, like he is dying, she keeps telling him to go to a specialist but he is a stubborn one. Lynn was calling me to tell him to go to a specialist. you have to know she is a strong woman and has really never asked me for much of anything so the impact of what she did hit me like a ton of bricks, and of course Paul is at work so I had no shoulder to cry on, just my sleeves. so I went to the best help and just started reading my bible and was reading in Colossians 1:15 to 23 and I read Psalms 84. Both talk about the character of God and in Psalsms84:11 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

God is good and that can hold the tears from my eyes and allow me not to worry. I have peace. and hopefully the strength to call him later to tell him to go to a specialist with out crying! haha

ok so the meaning of the title to me is, someone asked me what "RN" stood for and they said "real nurse" haha so cute and funny, no it stands for Registered Nurse, to clear up any confusion. but I also meant it to mean that I am Real. and also a nurse. Yep thanks for reading my blog. Hope your day is challenging in a way that brings you closer to God, and perhaps closer to others.

peace to you.