Medical Vs. Spiritual

So the best blog posts for me seem to be the ones that fire me up or melt me down.

Over the weekend I had this patient who has a poor prognosis from many doctors, he is constantly restless, anxious, in pain, is on a vent among many other issues.
    So sometimes we have a group of people that come to meet with the family to discuss realistic goals of care and quality of life, even comfort measures. They are great people that mean the best for the patient. But from the families perspective I can see how it would be a hard thing to discuss. Generally it is cause the patient will not greatly improve, and sometimes they will.
   There was this scenerio with the patient as described as above and this group of doctors met with this wife. She (to put it nicely) was not very educated and took this group of people to the extreme. She went from crying to angry. (kinda a cool to see a text book reaction)  I was trying to explain to someone who might not ever understand the fact that her husband was very sick and that the group of people meant well. she said things like "He is my everything" "its just me and him" which is sweet but can she see the medical perspective with multi organ malfunction, vent dependence, necrotic bowel, etc. that there is not much room to improve. Then she said "Beth I just have to hope and believe that he will get better and I cannot make negative decisions, I just can't" I told her that it is always good to expect the best but also understand the possibilities. And pointed out that this descision is never any easy one no matter how eminent death is.

I def was torn because medically there was not much hope, but spiritually there is always hope. Who am I to take away hope? Who am I to give false hope?

I am called to speak life, and create hope and hold on to God's amazing and numerous promises. Which I do, but where am I able to speak?

I am spiritually challenged. Torn.

And now that a dear friend of mine is very sick, and may have "poor prognosis" I choose to HOPE, and to BELIEVE that in Jesus' name she Will in fact be healed. And I believe it through the overwhelming doubt with my medical perspective and expect God to move and breath his breath of life into Her and help her live this life He has called her to live. It hurts. Not knowing, but yet expecting.

God help me in my unbelief, help me to gain wisdom. 

Rainy days and why one should love them..

Rainy days are most commonly considered aweful and dreary, but I beg to differ!
I love sleeping on rainy days it is hard to tell when it is time to get up!
It may be hard to find energy but get up and do something.
I love the color contrast especially in spring! of wet wood and light green!
It waters your plants for you.
washes dirt away.
Its calm and peaceful. (even if its pouring)
And who says you cant go outside and get wet! Live a little.

I haven't blogged in a while hoping to get back into it. gonna post a few pictures.

                                                                             "yo, thats brokeback!"

These are pics from a costume party, which was awesome.

wood stove

So it is super bowl sunday, and I am napping on the floor near the wood stove. This is one of my favorite places in the house! (at least during the winter)

So Today I got news that a good friend is very sick in the SICU at CCHS.
I am worried, yet trusting God ever still. She is in good hands, I trust the doctors and nurses to make good desicions. Jesus please be with her and her family, I know you are but please make yourself known in this time of uncertainty. May your peace fill them. And may she be totally and completely healed!

so if you read this please pray for my friend, and her family. Life is fragile.

New Years

So in honor of New Years I think I might meditate and figure out any resolutions for this year.

So the first one that comes to mind is the one I have been trying to do my whole life haha.
Exercise! I am going to work out at least 2 times a week. I am determined! I just want to be healthy and in shape, losing a few pounds won't hurt but not the sole reason.

The second one shall be, being more joyful and kind. I am good at this most of the time, But it is the times when it is the hardest, I feel it should come naturally. I want to be kind and loving to everyone, not just people I love and like most.

The third one I think is, which I am praying about, I want to start a bible study. I need something more then what I am doing now. (which at times is nothing) I need more of my Jesus, and more of my peoples.

There are probably other things I am thinking or wanting to do with my life this year, but for now that is it. Tell me yours if you would like. Either way I hope your New Year is truly New and exciting, and Full of love, and life, and Just Change for the better for yourself and for those around you.

Christmas cheer

So you might know that I had to work 12 hours on Christmas this year. I was bummed but it still remained to be a great holiday despite my preconceptions. So I also worked Christmas Eve, and I took care of this man who was found down at home, young guy like in his 50's. He had a stroke in the past and he was found down at home this time for another stroke and the combination of the two strokes at this point has left him with being wide awake, seems very with it, emotional expressions and everything, but he cannot move. He can barely squeeze his right hand and well that, at this point is about it. And to make it worse the strokes seemed to have left him very aphasic. (where he can't seem to express words) He also has a tracheostomy so if he could take he can't actually verbalize and you would have to read his lips to communicate, which would be easy for me because of working 5 years with people in a similar situation. so Christmas eve all day he just looked worried or anxious, scared even. I talk to him and tell him where he is and what day it is to try to orient him. I would be scared out of my mind. So on Christmas things seemed the same. He is a hefty guy not easy to turn when he is flaccid. so My friend Kim, she is a great nurse if you know her, I have always admired her for having a connection with patients, she can seem to always make them laugh. Laughter is great medicine. So earlier that day there were some family members for another patient that were extremely rude to me, for no reason at all. And Kim had been in there with me the whole time wide eyed and jaw gaping open (when the curtain was closed) That is a whole other blog post but needles to say we were baffled by it. So right at 6:45pm she helped me reposition this same gentlemen I discussed earlier. So we were in the room and we told him what we were going to do then we started talking about how that disrespectful that family was to me and what we really should have said to them. haha. somehow we said "well... IN YOUR FACE" my heart burst apart because this man was clearly laughing. not just a smile but a silent hearty laugh. This made my Christmas. My heart had been hurting for him and what he must be going through, and then I saw a sign of hope. Laughter is truly good medicine. Thanks to Kim, and to Lynda who were in there helping me.

Hope you like this story cause I sure do.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

ick to the sick

I am feeling so sick so "ick"
I might just pick to flick
my brain
the strain the pain
in my stomach its "ick"
so sick
a dog goes "arf"
and I go barf......

haha I crack myself up. that's my pathetic try at a rhyme haha oh well. It made me feel better for a few seconds. I sure hope I wake up feeling better then I do right now.

It puts it into perspective on a very small scale as to some of the symptoms my patients at work might feel. it is pretty darn awful!  OK good night

picturesss

 Oh Christmas treee oh Christmas treee How lovely are your branches!!!

 there is a hering in this photo

 love the color contrast

yet again